I read the most marvellous expression in yesterday’s newspaper. A woman had accidentally driven her Land Rover Freelander into a lake as she tried to park. (So I also read about a quite predictable occurrence as well as reading a marvellous expression). “I don’t know what happened,” the woman was reported as saying. “One minute I was parking the car and the next I was in the water. I just had a blonde moment.” I just had a blonde moment! It says everything doesn’t it. You could have given the finest brains in the country a week and asked them to describe what had happened to make the woman act the way she had but they wouldn’t have been able to come up with anything more succinct than ‘a blonde moment’ I’m sure. It got me thinking what other ‘moments’ to describe odd behaviour and here’s a few I came up with. You can no doubt add many more.
A Brown moment. When you shit yourself.
A Ginger moment. When you picture Geri Helliwell in your mind’s eye and masturbate. (I would think this happens extremely rarely, and anyway she’d probably let you shag her if you asked)
A Green moment. When you stick an organic potato up the exhaust pipe of a gas- guzzling 4 by 4.
Another Green moment. When you sneeze and snot runs down your face before you can get a tissue out.
A Yellow and Red moment. When you’re sick and you’ve recently eaten carrots.
A Harold Shipman moment. When your wife has just told you her seventy-year-old mother is coming to stay with you for a month.
A Bus Driver moment. When you suddenly lose all consideration for other road users.
A Fat moment. When you suddenly simply have to have a meat pie.
A Fat Bastard moment. When you have a Fat moment and you’re also a goalkeeper.
A Stevie Wonder moment. When you start at point A and you have to pass a Charity Worker with a collecting box on your way to point B.
A Liverpool moment. When you are suddenly consumed with self pity and think the whole world is against you.
A Wales moment. When you suddenly think you can sing and insist on proving to all and sundry that you can’t.
A Big Brother moment. When you just have to watch television regardless of what crap is on at the moment.
An Arsene Wenger moment. When you suddenly lose the ability to see one of your players commit a foul.
A John Prescott moment. When you suddenly lose complete control of the use of the English language.
A David Blunkett moment: when you decide to give out visas to all and sundry, especially if they work for somebody who is currently bonking you and carrying your child.
A Tony Blair moment: when all you can do is clasp your hands together and avoid the truth.
Comment by zed — February 10, 2006 @ 8:49 pm
another yellow moment; when you suddenly lose the ability to understand simple english. mainly used when a supermarket worker is in the middle of an explanation and you realise that they, not you, are right! “me no understand”
Comment by fatfiz — February 11, 2006 @ 11:04 pm
One drop of poison infects the whole tun of wine… Abacuck
Comment by Abacuck — November 29, 2006 @ 10:15 am